'Tis The Season to Be Emotional, Part II: What To Do When Things Get Tense

A crucial key to being able to manage your emotions is anticipating and preparing for situations or interactions with certain people where you know, from past experience, that your emotions go haywire. But what do you do in the heat of the moment when your emotions flare up?

1. Recognize the signs of the fight or flight response.

Heart pounding, stomach turning, palms sweating: these are signs that the part of your brain that is on the lookout for threats to your survival (your amygdala) has been activated.

The amygdala, however, is the reactive, not rational part of your brain, and might very well interpret shallow breathing - which happens when we feel insulted, angry or upset but your life is far from endangerment -- as a threat.

Step 1: Assure your brain that survival is not at stake -- take a deep breath.

2. Use your body to ground you in the present.

When your boss says "I need to speak to you later," immediately, your mind starts racing - into the past (is he upset about the question I asked in yesterday's meeting?), or the future (Am I being taken off the project?). Neither is helpful. What you need to do is get out of your head and back into the present moment. Your body can help you do that.

Step 2: Feel your feet on the ground, your arms on your desk, your butt in the chair.

3. Hit the pause button.

When are your emotions most likely to cause you trouble: when you're talking or not talking? Often, people start talking because they're uncomfortable with silence, not because it will help the situation. When someone is making provocative comments or needling you, they're looking for a reaction. If you don't react, there's nothing for them to attack.

Step 3: Learn how to be okay with the silence. Give yourself 10 seconds (at least) to let your rational brain kick in.

4. Check your crystal ball.

Before you start talking, do a quick peek into the future. If you give this person a piece of your mind, how will the other person respond? Will it help or harm the situation? Is the instant gratification of "putting them in their place" worth the potential long-term damage?

Step 4: "Watch your tongue and be forward-thinking."

Review and Recap

When you have some distance and are feeling calmer, take a moment to reflect and ask: "What was going on there? Why did I get so angry?" See if you can identify the exact trigger: "I lose it when my boss gives me that patronizing smirk. I feel like he thinks I'm incompetent." And by drilling down -- is there any evidence that he does think you're incompetent? -- you can understand what your beliefs about the situation are and why it triggers a feeling of powerlessness or frustration, for example.

When it comes to mastering your emotions, there are no shortcuts. With practice, however (just like anything), it gets easier and more familiar.

'Tis the Season to Be Emotional: A Training Plan for Staying In Control, Part 1

RIDING THE ROLLERCOASTER

Ah, the holiday season. That time of year when we experience those delightful emotional extremes -- from the joy and exhilaration of spending time with people we care about to the discomfort of performance reviews and dinner with difficult in-laws.

Even if, on balance, you enjoy the holidays, when your emotions start running the show, the rollercoaster ride between the highs and lows can feel pretty stressful and uncomfortable.

WE HAVE A CHOICE

When the doctor hits the patella of your knee with that little hammer your leg jerks up - you can't help it, it's a natural reflex. Though it sometimes feels the same with our emotions, it's not. True, we can't control the specific emotion that wells up in a particular situation, but we can make a choice as to what we do next and how we respond.

As with any new habit or skill, however, it takes awareness and practice to become the master of your emotions. (What, you were expecting a quick fix?) You're in luck, however: I've put together a step-by-step training plan that lays out exactly what and how to practice.

THE TRAINING ROUTINE: PREPARE

1. Have a morning practice.

Just as pilots check their flight plan, set the controls and evaluate the instrument panel in readying for take-off, you too will benefit from preparing yourself for the day ahead. Whatever you do -- meditate, take a walk, do yoga, read a motivational book or write in your journal - investing the time (even 15 minutes is beneficial) to quiet your mind and plug into your inner energy source will give you a sense of perspective and allow you to stay grounded as you move through the chaos of the day.

(And don't even think about making the "I don't have time" excuse. That's like saying "I don't have time to find my car keys so I'm going to walk to work." You always have time to set yourself up for success.)

Like the Dalai Lama says: "We all know that on days when we are in a good mood, when the whole world seems to be smiling at us, we can accept predicaments or bad news more easily than if our mind is already upset, frustrated or troubled, when the slightest incident might cause us to explode with negative emotions."

2. Identify your triggers.

This is not your first Christmas dinner with your extended family. And, most likely it's not the first time a colleague has lost his temper or you've gotten critical feedback from a boss or colleague. Though we may feel ambushed, there are recurring scenarios where we can anticipate potential friction and think through how we typically react.

So, start a running list of those situations that tend to stir up negative emotion - you know, the juicy stuff like anger, resentment, insecurity, guilt. Now you can strategize what you'll do or say in the heat of the moment when it may be difficult to think clearly.

3. Visualize and practice.

So you're at the annual holiday party, and your obnoxious colleague - who gets even more obnoxious when he's drinking -- starts bragging about how much his bonus was. Imagine how you'll respond when he needles you about yours and insinuates that his was much higher. Imagine the various ways that scenario could play out and how you'd handle them (I'm thinking one of them could involve a suave James Bond impression).

(Don't worry that imagining a scenario will make it more likely to happen. Actually the opposite is true - simply envisioning a solution may make the problem moot.)

Then, as much as possible, look for opportunities to simulate what you feel in those emotionally charged situations - to practice or rehearse when the stakes are low and your emotional reactions won't be as costly.

For example, if you're uncomfortable with confrontation or rejection, practice returning an item to a store or asking for a refund. If you're worried about losing your composure during your performance review, practice receiving criticism from a friend or trusted colleague.

Forward-thinking and preparation are critical to navigating emotional minefields and not losing your cool in the moment.

Stress Is Killing You! It's Time For A Change

Stress is found everywhere. Life for people in the modern age is increasingly stressful. Unemployment, gas prices, children, long hours at work...the list goes on and on and on.

Most of us know we are stressed and maybe you do a pretty good job of keeping it under control most of the time. No matter how calm you may appear, simply hiding your stress is not really helping you.

A study published in 2007 by the Semel Institute for Neuroscience, University of California about the relation between psychological stress and immune-related diseases found that elevated stress levels will make you very sick and could eventually kill you.

There are two types of stress that affect your life. Long-term stress is the type of stress that you endure on a daily basis. All of the things that come up in life contribute to your long-term stress. Acute stress is caused by more specific events. Marital strife, public speaking, and accidents all cause acute stress. It has been believed for decades that acute stress didn't really affect us as much as long-term stress. However, in the 2007 study it was discovered that both long-term and acute stress have profound and lasting effects on your immune system and disease.

Chronic stress has been found to cause systemic coronary inflammation. People who have low levels of stress and depression also have a low risk of major cardiac events. Those who have higher stress and depression have significantly higher risk of a major cardiac event. Taking care of the cardiovascular system should be priority #1 for each and every person but sadly it is not. You are more likely to die from cardiovascular disease than any other cause.

Stress can be a significant cause in many types of illness. People who are chronically stressed are much more likely to have heart attacks and strokes. Stressed people have more cancer and other conditions like high blood pressure and severe arthritis.

Stress is one of the main ways to make sure you don't live as long as you should. Controlling the stress in your life should be a high priority if you are on a quest to live a long and healthy life.

So, what are some ways to control the stress? Here are a few tips that help me and I'm sure they can help you.

Tips to beat stress:

1.Slow Down: This is quite possibly my favorite. People who know me know that I am a rather slow person. I am also a very low stress person. It wasn't always this way. I learned long ago that I am in complete control of my life and the pace at which I live it. Ask anyone, I eat slow. I drive slow. I talk slow. I make decisions slow. What's the rush anyway? Why stuff your face so quickly? Why drive so fast and get angry and waste gas? Is it really worth saving two minutes? Don't jump from of thing to another at lightning speed. Very few choices must be made right now. Take your time. Live a little. Don't be so uptight all the time. This one tip will amaze you if you can teach yourself the habit of slowing down.

2.Evaluate and Prioritize: Take time now and then to evaluate what is causing you the most stress. What are the top three reasons you are stressed? Eliminate them. Period. It's not worth wasting your life full of stress and unhappiness. Do you hate your job? Think about the things in your job causing the most stress then start looking for one that doesn't include those negative points. Are you in the career you have always really wanted? Why not? Change it! I know that sounds scary but sometimes you just have to get some courage and go for it. Start going to school and prepare yourself for your real career and start living your real life. Never let any career, relationships or debts hold you down. Simplify. Start selling all your stuff. Get rid of the debt. Learn a new trade. Free up your life!

3.Take time to relax: Everyday just take some time for yourself. Forget the house. Forget the bills and the kids. Forget the boss. How is your life going? Are you getting where you want to be? What are some things you want to do this week? This month? This year? Before you die? Life is not about running the rat race. Life is about living and experiencing. Life is about envisioning what you want and then taking it. Sometimes it seems easier to ignore all these issues. But you can't ignore them. They sit in the back of your mind. Eating away at you like a cancer.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Identify Your Stress Triggers

If you were to type the word "stress" in any internet search engine you will get a billion pieces of information related to stress and the harm it can cause. A general dictionary defines stress as, "A specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism, mental, or emotional strain or tension." The word stress is derived from the Latin word 'stringere' meaning to 'draw tight' describing hardships.

Everyday millions of people around the world experience stress ranging from mild dosages to extreme cases that lead to several complicated health disorders. Even animal, insects and plants experience various degrees of stress due to several reasons.Dr. Hans Selye, a reputed author of numerous papers and books on stress says headaches, insomnia, high blood pressure, heart and kidney diseases are the common problems created by stress. According to his expert opinion, "every stress leaves an indelible scar, and the organism pays for its survival after a stressful situation by becoming a little older".

When you are stressed your adrenal glands produce a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol is highly toxic substance that attacks muscles, organs, and rapidly diminishes your strength. It also diminishes your immune system leading to various kinds of mental and physical disorders. Stress is your body's natural response to every day's physical, emotional and environmental demands.Many people often confuse stress with plain tiredness. Whenever you ask someone if they are stressed they immediately say they are okay or feeling fine. But the reality is different. You could be highly stressed, but not physically tired. This is because stress is a silent killer and creeps into a person silently. You cannot avoid stress totally in today's life, especially in today's modern, complex workplace. It is a mental thing that has the potential to create complicated health disorders. To understand the difference between stress and tiredness just imagine a hot cup of coffee. The hot coffee can contain very less sugar or a high quantity of sugar.

The quantity of sugar (sweetness) is comparable to stress, while the temperature (hotness) is comparable to tiredness. The sweetness of the coffee does not reduce even when the coffee cools down. Similarly a person need not be physically tired, but could be under a lot of stress internally. For example, an impending tough exam, a court case, losing a job, workplace harassments, dealing with irrational people, accepting a heavy responsibility, etc., can create a lot of stress. On the other hand plain tiredness, usually caused by excessive physical activity or exercise can be eliminated by a few hours of sound sleep, or a good hot bath. But stress cannot be eliminated by sleep or a bath.

Often people under duress will not be able to identify or sometimes admit the precise reason for their stress, and start feeling the whole world is ganging up on them. Over time stressed people will soon be unable to state exactly whey they are stressed. They feel attacked from all sides, feel unlucky, exhausted and start getting agitated at everything, trivial, big, related or unrelated. And the standard reasons people give for stress will be vague and generic stuff like work pressure, traffic, noise, politics, etc. But pointing fingers at vague and subjective stuff do not help you in finding workable solutions. You need to be exact, but how?Today, the modern crazy workplace is one of the single biggest sources of stress for employees and their families. A stressed out employee can not only cause problems for himself, but also cause various problems for all his family members. On our planet the number of reasons why people get stressed or agitated could run into thousands.

However, in the workplace the number of reasons for stress will normally be limited to a few areas, or sometimes just a single issue that could be igniting your fuse. But learning to recognizing those few ones is important to tackle them objectively without getting ruffled up. Usually a stress management consultant will be usually able to accurately pin point your stress trigger and suggest remedies. But what if you don't have access to such consultants, embarrassed to visit one or even unable to afford their services? Also in many cases it may impossible to openly admit to stress. For example CEOs, senior managers, and famous personalities can never honestly admit to being stress, or openly visit a stress management consultant. This is because reputed personalities in all fields always need to portray a picture of a vibrant, healthy and evergreen human being to the media, press and the public.

If they accidentally admit to stress a newspaper may print an absurd headline like, "CEO OF XYZ CORP ADMITS TO LOSING HIS MARBLES!!!" and the company can get into trouble. So what do you do? Remember it is a health matter and cannot be simply ignored either, because it will only deteriorate or explode you with time. Unless you believe your stress is an extreme case where only a qualified doctor can repair you it may be possible to identify specific stress triggers, or what exactly ignites your fuse, and often solve them yourself. Pin pointing your stress generator is the first step in trying to find a solution to it. If you cannot pinpoint it is like trying to shoot a target you cannot see. But how exactly do you pin point your stress generator without visiting a stress management consultant? Just use a simple technique called - ASKING QUESTIONS TO YOURSELF, similar to what consultants and doctors do when you go for consultation. Through appropriate and pertinent questions to yourself it is actually possible to identify your stress generators, and often eliminate or control them on your own without external help. So whenever you are stressed in the workplace start asking yourself the following questions. You can add more questions if necessary, but this list should be enough to begin with.

• 1. Are the job requirements absolutely clear in real world terms for what you are trying to do, or expected of you? Or, are you simply chasing hype and jargon?

• 2. Do you have the necessary tools, knowledge, resources, staffing, training and budgets to do what you are trying to do?

• 3. Are the timeframes realistic for whatever you are trying to do, or are you chasing artificial deadlines created by clueless people? Are you burning out chasing unrealistic expectations from impatient customers, end users, bosses, etc?

• 4. Are you working in a humorless department or organization?

• 5. Are you generally short tempered and impatient by nature? Do you habitually get flared up over trivial workplace issues? Are others expecting you to read their mind and act accordingly? Alternatively, do you expect others to read your mind and act accordingly?

• 6. Is it a specific colleague(s) who is the cause for your stress, or is somebody constantly breathing down your neck? Is someone out to get you, discredit you or snatch the credit for your efforts?

• 7. Is somebody's short temper and irrational behavior preventing you from doing or saying the right things?

• 8. Are you having financial difficulties? Do you have no control over your spending? Are you spending more than you are earning?
• 9. Is a corporate rumor about getting fired, downsizing, reorganization, etc., causing stress?

• 10. Do you have to do everything yourself? Are you getting the required help from your colleagues and other departments? Are you always trying to go out of your way to get things done? Are you trying to tackle things that are not in your control?

• 11. Is the work you are doing really difficult, or are you just dealing with difficult and irrational customers and bosses who create panic and terror to cover up their inadequacies?

• 12. Are you worrying about something that happened in the past or may happen in the future?

• 13. Do you have any known health problems that could be causing stress? Have you had a complete health check up to detect hidden health disorders? Is a family member's health or behavior creating stress and agitation in the workplace?

• 14. Are you trying to reinvent the wheel in getting a job done? Can you get tips, procedures and suggestions from someone who has done such things already?

• 15. If your life controlled by emails, pagers, mobile phones, blogs, iPODs, laptops and other electronic leashes?

• 16. Do you have access to a quiet place like a park or lots of greenery to sit for an hour or two doing nothing? It can be very relaxing and discharge workplace worries.

• 17. Are you working in a badly managed project? Is everything in your organization or department urgent and chaotic due to poor planning, an impatient boss, etc? Is your department understaffed and overworked?

• 18. Are you taking care of your health and rest properly? Are you getting your eight hours of calm sleep daily?

• 19. Are you trying to please or seek admiration from everyone? Are you an appreciation seeking addict? Is somebody's urgency or poor planning an emergency for you?

• 20. Do you wear uncomfortable and tight clothes to work? Uncomfortable clothes, tight neckties and certain nylon materials can often cause a lot of fatigue and agitation without you realizing why.

• 21. Are you bad at time management? Are there too many things on your plate? Can you ignore or eliminate the unnecessary ones?

• 22. Are family problems creating hell at work? Are work problems creating hell at home?

• 23. Do you have too much work? Do you have very less or no work? Very less work can also create anxiety about the continuity of your job.

And the questions can go on further or depending on the nature of your work the list of questions can change. But as you can see, precision questions like above can often pin point the exact cause of your stress. Next eliminating that stress will be in the precision answers you can provide, solutions you can gather or the specific actions you can take to reduce them. The solutions may not drop in overnight but you can definitely find solutions over time to switch to the right stress reduction lane gradually. And we can conclude this article by two beautiful quotes on questions by Anthony Robbins. Questions provide the key to unlocking our unlimited potential. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers. Happy self interrogation.

What Is Stress Management?

To fully understand the answer to the question "what is stress management" one should primarily take a closer look of what it deals with -stress. Stress is an every day part of life, and life can't really be without stres. Stress is how the body responds to what one feels when they are confronted with situations it reacts as though you're in danger. Hormones speed up, breathing is faster, and can give a person a "burst" of energy. This stres response is called "fight-or-flight".

Not every stress that a person feels is bad some of it is normal and sometimes even useful. It helps an individual react quickly or work hard that can do positive things when trying to achieve a goal or finish a task on time. However, when stress lasts longer and happens often, it can result to bad consequences back pain, headaches, trouble sleeping, or upset stomach. These negative effects can weaken one's immune system that makes it difficult for the body to "fight-off" disease.

When stress becomes overwhelming, this is where stres management comes in. The proper management of stres will lessen, alleviate, and even eliminate stres. So, what is stress managment? Stress management takes in techniques designed to equip an individual with efficient coping methods for handling stress. These methods may vary for different individuals as they have to choose which one best works for them.

What is stress management for workers? Stress management for workers deals on how employees can reduce stress in their working environment as well as techniques on effective personal stres mangement to help eliminate their "stress triggers". Most organizations these days have centered on the importance of giving their employees stress management trainings or seminars as these help the organization have better and productive employees.

What is stress management for students? Stress management for students tackles on how students can overcome the stress they encounter in their demanding "academic world". Students are among the most stressed individuals and stress mangement techniques help them cope better with situations that may result to both physical and emotional problems.

There are several other stres managment areas including those that deal with individuals who go through critical incidents. The need for stress management today, is an acknowledged truth in the medical society; recent studies have shown that stress is among the major roots of every illness, therefore the increasing need for stress management.

5 Crucial Zig Ziglar Quotes Business Owners Should Memorize

Zig Ziglar passed away November 28th, 2012, but his legacy will live on in many books and countless recordings.

I wanted to share 5 of the "cream-of-the-crop" quotes from Zig Ziglar, which all business owners and professionals should have memorized (or tattooed somewhere memorable, if you're in to that). They have helped me shape how I view myself and my own business.

Here they are, and why they're so boss.

1) "If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost."

It's so easy to get frustrated and give up. Some statistics say that 90% of start-ups fail in their first years. Some of these are due to business factors, but many of them are from succumbing to small defeats. It's become a maxim to learn from your failures, and Zig Ziglar points this out beautifully: anytime you gain experience, you gain. Period.

Of course, sometimes we don't ever get to the point of losing...

2) "If you wait until all the lights are green before you leave home, you'll never get started on your trip to the top."

We like to make sure all of our ducks are in a row, but sometimes that kills us. A "Ready, Fire, Aim" approach may be better than spending so long aiming that you never get to shoot...

3) "Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful."

And here, of course, is the reason why it's better to take aim quickly, but then fire and worry after about hitting closer to the mark. We learn though failure because we learn through experiences. Again, so long as you're learning, you win.

4) "The greatest good we can do for others is not just to share our riches with them, but to reveal theirs."

Another way to win is to help others. Like rocks in a tumbler that polish each other, we can help polish others who will in turn polish us, leaving both parties better off than when they met. And that's important, because...

5) "You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

All that matters in life is helping people. I'm in sales, and at the end of the day, my main goal is just to help my customers do business better. And if I can help them do what they want to do, in the end, I'll get what I want. Again Win/Win.

Summarizing Zig Ziglar's Philosophy In One Sentence...

If I had to summarize Zig Ziglar's philosophy in one sentence, it would be: Always aim for a win/win scenario. That's the thread of all of these quotes, and if you're aiming in a way that means you can't fail, then the sky is the limit!

You Can Turn Your Mistakes, Magically, Into Opportunities

If you are like me, then you are human, and you make mistakes. Mistakes, however, are an opportunity if you seize that opportunity; and by doing just that you can become a master at overcoming your mistakes:

- Take the time to evaluate the mistake and then learn from it. A great way to evaluate is to look at what went right and what didn't.
- Take ownership of what you did that was incorrect or wrong.
- By taking ownership of your responsibility you are able to accept that you made the mistake.
- And finally, you can use your evaluation and learning to better yourself.

When you truly acknowledge and accept your responsibility and role in mistakes can you access the magic or treasure of the mistake.

As an entrepreneur, I am sure, you are more than familiar with mistakes. You probably have made both small mistakes and BIG mistakes along the way. Mistakes may, for some, put them right out of business or scare them out of business.

When you are in business, it is like walking through the jungle. You have to be prepared to be in the jungle and survive. You have to have thick skin, courage, perseverance and more. I bet you have had some customers that were close to totally impossible. Or a competitor that always seemed to be 3 steps ahead of you. If you do any marketing well, then you have made many mistakes. Because marketing success is all about learning from what didn't work.

This is the joy of an entrepreneur: the excitement of learning, the control to make mistakes and the willingness to be courageous and take risks. You persevere and you learn, continuously. Your positive attitude is essential in building a thriving businesses and enduring the lessons that you have to learn along the way.

Mistakes can be spun, magically into new income, new revenue

One way to do this "spinning into money", is to share your experience with others. Other people can benefit from your learning and their tension eases as they realize that they are not alone. You can also create your own coaching program to provide coaching, based on your experience to other businesses. An entrepreneur that is courageous can share their own personal mistakes, pointing out the challenges that they faced and how they overcame them, creates a synergy with other business owners. Suddenly, you are a speaker and coach, and people are following you, because you have risen to the level of expert.

Connect, connect, connect!

As an entrepreneur, you have to connect with other people. Your contacts and connections are vital when you see your sales slowing or if you decide to start a new business venture. Networking is just part of business. It gives you additional venues for sharing your expertise and sharing your advice.

WOW, the customer:

It is critical throughout your business to WOW your customers. "WOW" is all about service delivery, quality and customer service. Maybe you have had a challenging staff person that wasn't especially good at customer service. You know that that is essential for your long-term success. You have to take action with the employee to improve their performance, or change their responsibilities.

It becomes an opportunity to update your customer service policy and to re-train staff. You can also evaluate what can be automated: answering services, Q & A page on your website, automated messages.

Mistakes and challenges make it impossible for you to not look at your business. By taking on the opportunity you are able find the magic of the mistakes. What can you improve? Systems? Process? Policy? Operating a business with a constant process for improving your services, your products and your business, creates a thriving business. Use each mistake to review the process or policy and make the changes you need to, to improve it.

Your magical mistakes can set you apart from the competition. Customers will appreciate that you are constantly making your business work better. Using excuses instead of making magic will stall your business. You won't stand out as a mover and shaker. Of course, we would all like that perfect business model and business operation but the real way to get there is just what we have discussed here. Take mistakes, evaluate them, take out the lessons and improve yourself, your business, your operations, and a s result you will thrive!