Change Your Attitude and You Just Might Change Everything

Are you in a rut? Do find yourself complaining about everything, feeling unhappy, and lacking control in your life? Maybe you are sick of being stuck in the same routine day after day.

Furthermore, do you think you would be happy if only you made more money, had more purpose, were in better shape, drove a nicer car, or had a different job? If this sounds like the way you think on a day to day basis, it is time to snap out of the pity party you are having and to take back control of your life. When we get into ruts in our daily lives, we tend to blame everyone and everything else for the way we feel, and we think that if external things in our lives would change, then everything would be better. The fact is that the power to change everything in our lives lies with our ability to change our attitude. A negative attitude is a habit, and the only way to combat this very bad habit is to take back control of your thoughts and to teach yourself to think differently.

The first step is to realize that you cannot control the way other people think or behave just like you cannot control the traffic or the weather (despite the fact that we let these things ruin our mood on a daily basis!). However, you can, and must, learn to control the way you approach situations in your life. Despite the fact that you cannot control your environment, you can always control how you think! Start by evaluating the things in your life that cause you stress and identify the things that you can and cannot control in these situations. Next, control the controllables! Learn to let go of the things that are out of your control and start focusing on the things that you can change, namely your outlook and your attitude. This type of change happens from the inside-out. If you are willing to make an effort to change the way you think about the situations in your daily life, you will change the way you feel on a day to day basis, which will ultimately change the way you act. By changing the way you think, you will change everything! Your attitude and outlook on life influences your confidence and emotions, which, in turn, influence the choices you make that determine your productivity, efficiency, and successfulness. With a negative attitude, you are not only making yourself feel miserable, but you are preventing yourself from reaching your potential, as well.

Instead of using your mind to decrease your success, you must learn to use your thoughts to create a state of mind for excellence. One of the most important components of this new way of thinking is learning to be your own biggest fan. In other words, you must become your own loudest cheerleader. This might seem silly, but you probably do not even realize how seldom you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. In our society, it is common for us to seek approval from other people and we don't judge our own success until we receive a judgment from someone else. If others provide positive feedback, then we feel good about ourselves, and if others fail to provide feedback or give negative feedback, then we feel invalidated and under appreciated. You have undoubtedly been frustrated because something you did went unrecognized by your boss or your spouse and you have likely felt that other people in your life don not realize how much you sacrifice for your job. This habit of seeking and waiting for others to express appreciation or congratulations must stop. Why are you basing the success of your own work on someone else's opinion? You are an intelligent, logical, independent individual. Give yourself some credit! You know when you do good work, make sacrifices, and take risks. Tell yourself how proud you are! The only side effects of being proud of you are increased confidence, self-worth, and motivation.

If you are in a habit of negative thinking and you continually seek approval from others, learning to cheer for yourself will be a challenging task, and you may need guidance along the way, but it is a challenge you should take head on. You must break down the barriers. Start with the basics: Practice telling yourself how great you look, how capable you are, and how successful you will be. Start holding yourself accountable for good things to happen in your life. Take control of your health, your career, and your attitude. It is time to stop leaving your life up to chance and to stop blaming other people and things for your unhappiness and misdirection. Take control, put a smile on your face, and take a stand for you! Before you know it, everything will be different!

Quitters Do Win

We all share this common, yet miraculous ability to quickly notice when things suck. And we've all heard that quitting is bad, and quitters never win, so never ever quit. Never? Is there ever a time when quitting is a GOOD thing?

The gym is a good example of a place where things can get difficult. After the first 45 minutes of zumba class, you are sweating and unable to side-kick any higher, no matter how loudly the bandana-crazed drill sergeant yells. Someone behind you is entirely hogging the fan and you want to empty your water bottle over your head. Or pass out. Whichever happens first is fine.

Another example is being "stuck" in a crappy job. Your desk has been moved to the basement and you're working overtime on a dreadful project. Your boss passes by and blithely waves hello to the wall next to you, as if he finds the two of you indistinguishable. If he asked how it was going, you'd probably feel compelled to say everything is great! But an honest answer would be closer to, "Well Bob, I haven't yet gouged out my eyes with salad spoons... partially because I am an optimist, but mainly because I just don't carry around salad spoons."

Start by asking yourself why are you doing it. What do you get out of it, and how is that good for you? Working out is an easy one, the benefits are being healthy, feeling and looking good. The dreadful job, you might say, is necessary to pay your rent and that gym membership. But perhaps it is NOT necessary to do that particular soul-stomping job in order to make a living.

Which option serves you best? When are you doing yourself a favor by quitting, as opposed to depriving yourself of an opportunity to contribute to your overall happiness?

Two people in the same circumstances can end up with opposite conclusions. The difference is not the situation, but the choice. Your butt might be sore the next day, but you CHOOSE to take zumba because you love fitting into your skinny jeans, feel healthier, or enjoy the after cardio high. Your best friend might also love skinny jeans but despise zumba and anything resembling a gym, and choose to fit in them solely through diet.

That job is making you miserable and you don't care about the work. So why do it? Start looking for a better way to earn money that not only doesn't stress you out, but that you actually enjoy! Sometime when the going gets tough, the tough really do get going. As in, out-the-door. Goodbye.

Another way to look at your choices is to ask yourself whether you are quitting because you are going toward something better, and not simply reacting to difficulty by running away from it.

Have a goal you are excited about, a definite destination. There are many avenues to choose from to get where you want to be. As Lewis Carrol said, "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there." You are not confined to taking the miserable path through the basement office.

'Tis the Season to Be Emotional: A Training Plan for Staying In Control, Part 1

RIDING THE ROLLERCOASTER

Ah, the holiday season. That time of year when we experience those delightful emotional extremes -- from the joy and exhilaration of spending time with people we care about to the discomfort of performance reviews and dinner with difficult in-laws.

Even if, on balance, you enjoy the holidays, when your emotions start running the show, the rollercoaster ride between the highs and lows can feel pretty stressful and uncomfortable.

WE HAVE A CHOICE

When the doctor hits the patella of your knee with that little hammer your leg jerks up - you can't help it, it's a natural reflex. Though it sometimes feels the same with our emotions, it's not. True, we can't control the specific emotion that wells up in a particular situation, but we can make a choice as to what we do next and how we respond.

As with any new habit or skill, however, it takes awareness and practice to become the master of your emotions. (What, you were expecting a quick fix?) You're in luck, however: I've put together a step-by-step training plan that lays out exactly what and how to practice.

THE TRAINING ROUTINE: PREPARE

1. Have a morning practice.

Just as pilots check their flight plan, set the controls and evaluate the instrument panel in readying for take-off, you too will benefit from preparing yourself for the day ahead. Whatever you do -- meditate, take a walk, do yoga, read a motivational book or write in your journal - investing the time (even 15 minutes is beneficial) to quiet your mind and plug into your inner energy source will give you a sense of perspective and allow you to stay grounded as you move through the chaos of the day.

(And don't even think about making the "I don't have time" excuse. That's like saying "I don't have time to find my car keys so I'm going to walk to work." You always have time to set yourself up for success.)

Like the Dalai Lama says: "We all know that on days when we are in a good mood, when the whole world seems to be smiling at us, we can accept predicaments or bad news more easily than if our mind is already upset, frustrated or troubled, when the slightest incident might cause us to explode with negative emotions."

2. Identify your triggers.

This is not your first Christmas dinner with your extended family. And, most likely it's not the first time a colleague has lost his temper or you've gotten critical feedback from a boss or colleague. Though we may feel ambushed, there are recurring scenarios where we can anticipate potential friction and think through how we typically react.

So, start a running list of those situations that tend to stir up negative emotion - you know, the juicy stuff like anger, resentment, insecurity, guilt. Now you can strategize what you'll do or say in the heat of the moment when it may be difficult to think clearly.

3. Visualize and practice.

So you're at the annual holiday party, and your obnoxious colleague - who gets even more obnoxious when he's drinking -- starts bragging about how much his bonus was. Imagine how you'll respond when he needles you about yours and insinuates that his was much higher. Imagine the various ways that scenario could play out and how you'd handle them (I'm thinking one of them could involve a suave James Bond impression).

(Don't worry that imagining a scenario will make it more likely to happen. Actually the opposite is true - simply envisioning a solution may make the problem moot.)

Then, as much as possible, look for opportunities to simulate what you feel in those emotionally charged situations - to practice or rehearse when the stakes are low and your emotional reactions won't be as costly.

For example, if you're uncomfortable with confrontation or rejection, practice returning an item to a store or asking for a refund. If you're worried about losing your composure during your performance review, practice receiving criticism from a friend or trusted colleague.

Forward-thinking and preparation are critical to navigating emotional minefields and not losing your cool in the moment.

Spread the Joy - Make Someone Smile

Do you know someone that's a bit down, unhappy or depressed? Maybe, during your normal day-to-day routines you get the feeling that some of the people you bump into seem a bit preoccupied, a bit out of sorts? Maybe you wish there was something you could do to help? The good news is that you can do something - something that doesn't take much time or money, something that may well make their day a bit brighter - and make you feel good in the process. Try one or more of these suggestions today and put a smile on someone's face.

1. Give someone an inspirational or uplifting book to read. Not only could it be the catalyst for change that person was looking for, it can be a great starting point for further conversations. Books to start you off are: Neale Donald Walsch - 'Conversations with God', Anthony Robbins - 'Awaken the Giant Within' or Rhonda Byrne 'The Power'.
2. Write a note. Whether you want to say 'thanks', 'thinking of you' or simply want to encourage someone, a handwritten note can say it all. Not only that, in this digital age a handwritten note is seen as rare and special - it says you took the time and effort to put your thoughts into written form. It is something that can be kept and treasured. Start a new practice of sitting down and writing an encouraging note on a regular basis. You just might start an epidemic!
3. Take a friend out to coffee, lunch, or cook them a meal. Give yourself the time to get to know each other even better than you may do right now. If you are feeling brave, invite that person you work with, whom you never had a chance to get to know. You could be really adventurous and throw a party for several of your friends, putting a smile on a multitude of faces.
4. Volunteer some of your time. Whether it's your local church, charity or PTA group, supporting will help spread the joy. Pick a group or support that is close to your heart and you, too, will feel a warm glow as a result of your efforts. If you cannot spare any time, consider taking in some much needed donations - tins, blankets, food supplies and even your used stamps or ink cartridges are of use to various charities and organizations.
5. Deliver a meal to someone you know that is sick or having a rough time. We have all been sick and know the last thing you want to do is be out of bed. There are also times when life is tough and it is hard to do all of the daily chores. You can be a tremendous help by providing a meal that can be enjoyed.
6. Thank everyone that supports you throughout the day. The list of those that you come into contact with is endless. Whether it's family and friends, secretaries and co-workers, store employees or someone who simply opened the door for you, a simple smile and a 'thank you' can really lift someone's day.

Happiness Drivers - Three Key Findings to What Makes People Happy

Contrary to what advertisers would have us believe, what makes people happy does not come from getting more things, perennial youth, extra income or drinking a certain brand of beer. According to massive research done in the new field of positive psychology, authentic happiness (the kind that doesn't fade or change with circumstances) comes from within ourselves in the forms of self-esteem, social interactions, humor, free time and giving ourselves in service work or volunteering. These "drivers of happiness" are inherent qualities within our psyches and can be developed to produce tangible results; not only of greater happiness but also the trickle-down benefits of greater productivity, longevity, health and personal fulfillment in remarkably short periods of time. Happiness doesn't arrive by adding more possessions or events to our lives, rather it's the product of our mindset; it's the meaning we give events, what we choose to focus on, what beliefs we choose to embrace, how we react to daily challenges all play significant roles in determining our base level of happiness. Everything we need to increase our happiness is readily available to us - there is no need to "get" anything more to be happy now.

The science of happiness is now providing us with volumes of outstanding empirical data that supports the outlook of the mystics, sages and saints of the ages - that happiness comes first, and having the mindset and experiences of happiness is what creates the conditions that will attract the external "things" we want and think will make us happy. It's not the other way around.

Most of us are in the habit of delaying our happiness, thinking that when we have the ideal partner, income, physique etc., then we'll be happy... at the same time, we mistakenly assume that the state of happiness is a luxury item and not a necessity. As an example, when under the stress of time constraints at work or school, one of our first reactions is to jettison time spent with family and friends and to hunker down in isolation to get the job done - a reaction that would seem to increase available time and attention to spend on the problem before us. In fact, this reaction contributes to feelings of being alone, isolated and helpless; we become unhappy and stressed out and because we've removed ourselves from one of our most substantial happiness boosters, our social support group, we greatly diminish our problem solving abilities. Not the happy solution we would like!

Three key findings in the science of happiness as defined by Dr. Dan Gilbert of This Emotional Life are:

a) We can't be happy alone
b) We can't be happy all the time, and
c) We can be happier than we currently are

With these findings, we can now embrace new habits that will help us thrive and experience greater happiness by fostering 1) a greater social support network 2) developing greater acceptance and fewer rules about how life should be 3) deciding that our happiness gets top priority! Here are a few ideas to help with developing these new habits:

1) If we can't be happy alone, then we simply must be the one to take the initiative in nurturing new and existing relationships - you can't wait for people to come to you. Our personal and professional lives give us ample opportunity to sincerely connect with others on a common ground - we all want greater happiness. On a daily basis, take a moment to appreciate what others do for you and let them know; a simple thank you, an email or phone call to say "Thanks, I like what you do, how you make me feel, the results you produce..." is always appreciated! If you're too shy to initiate an exchange, join a support group and meet new people there. Volunteering and service work are outstanding means to make new contacts, and it also gets us out of our own stuff.

2) We can't be happy all the time does not mean we have to suffer when we're not happy. When things happen that aren't to our liking, instead of wasting time and energy struggling with internal dialogues about how things "should" be or the "right" way for someone to behave, let go of the mental efforts to try to fit the world to suit your opinions. You can't change the past. And if you aren't happy now, what makes you qualified to tell others how to live? Start to challenge your beliefs about how things "should" be; are these really your beliefs or hand-me-downs from childhood? Give some attention to the assumptions and rules your life operates under - write them out and if they're outdated (as most will be), get rid of them and develop new ideas, beliefs and habits to better suit who you are today and where you want to be tomorrow.

3) We can be happier than we currently are is wonderful news! Our brains remain plastic as we age and we can learn new tricks, develop new habits and stimulate new neural synapses to increase our daily happiness. Of course, no one is going to do this for us, we must do the work ourselves - and our personal happiness has to start getting a higher ranking on our priority lists. A simple way to do this is by becoming more aware of how much we already have to be grateful for; every night journal about three new things you feel grateful for and why you're grateful for them. By writing out the "why" you'll connect to your motivating emotions and as you get juiced up about how these things make you feel, you'll naturally increase your personal resonance levels; like attracts like. The better you feel, the more you'll focus on what makes you feel good, and an increase in what makes you feel good will be the end result.

Learning to increase our happiness levels requires the same commitment, vision and dedication to repetition as developing any skill - make practicing these new habits easier by reducing your resistance. As you prepare for bed, set your intentions for tomorrow and get clear on what actions you'll take on these three key findings into what makes people happy; be specific on how you intend to expand your social support network, to release beliefs and conditions that unnecessarily restrict you and to develop an attitude of gratitude. Write out your happiness goals and review them often, and remember that the greatest return on happiness is received when we help others to be happier in life.

Learn How To Have A Happy Day

Every morning is a fresh opportunity for your life to take a new path. The day is at your disposal and can be anything that you want it to be. The real question is how to you ensure that you have a happy day?

Many people believe that they have no control over the day ahead of them. That everything happens by fate and that they are simply in for what life has in store for them. However, that is not true. There are some things that you can do to ensure that you have a happy day.

The first thing that you need to do is choose your attitude. It's easy to allow yourself to have your emotions swayed by the circumstances that you are in. Unfortunately this often leads to you feeling more negative than positive.

Rather than allowing that to happen it is better to choose your attitude and to stay strong in that choice. It is surprising how much of an effect your choice in attitude can have on your day. When you have a positive attitude you can take bumps in the road in stride.

One of the easiest ways to have a happy day is to simply put a smile on your face. When you smile it activates your muscle memory reminding you of times that were happy. That can make you feel more happy in a very short period of time. The great thing about a smile is that it doesn't take a lot of effort to make happen, yet it can bring about a significant change in your mood.

Another way to put yourself in a more positive mood is to count your blessings. All too often you may find yourself taking what you have for granted. This does not just mean material things. It can also mean those intangible things like love, faith, and security.

Take some time each and every day to cherish the blessings that you have in your life and realize how lucky you are to have them. Recognizing these things can instantly make you feel more happy and content each and every day.

To make yourself feel satisfied and happy it is also a good to finish things that you have started. It is not uncommon to have unfinished projects lying around, but these projects tend to hang over your head and overshadow everything that you do. The best thing that you can do to make yourself more happy is to finish some of those projects. That sense of satisfaction will bring a smile that you will not soon lose.

If all else fails one way to give yourself an emergency shot of happy is to take the focus off of yourself. Spend some time lending a hand to someone in need. This could be someone that you know or even someone that you don't. Sometimes volunteering to help others is exactly what you need to do to realize how much you have in your own life and how happy you should be in your life each and every day.