Better By Mistake

"Mistake" is a bad word in a lot of people's minds. A lot of people seem to think they are meant to do everything perfectly all of the time and get very angry with themselves and others when they make mistakes. When I was younger, I had no patience for anyone's mistakes, even my own.

However, mistakes happen. We all make them. No matter how perfect we each think we are or how perfectly we believe we are doing things, there are times when we will make mistakes. It's just part of life. In fact, the word "mistake" by its very definition means an unintentional error.

The real question is whether we learn from our mistakes. Do you find yourself making the same mistake over and over again? If so, that is because you have yet to learn the lesson from that mistake. Whenever I make a mistake now, I take time to analyze it. To figure out exactly what happened and what the lesson I needed to learn from it was. More often than not, the lesson I have learned is usually a very good one and/or causes me to change directions in something I am working on that leads to a much better, yet unexpected result.

My personal rule is that I only get upset with my mistakes if I repeat them. That simply means I have not taken the time to figure out exactly where I went wrong to begin with. We all make mistakes, it's whether we learn from our mistakes or not that determines our own success. Remember, the more aware you become, the more successful you become.

1) The next time you make a mistake, stop for a moment. If you are the type of person who beats yourself up over your mistakes, pause. Breathe and remind yourself that mistakes happen. If you are the type of person who does not give one thought to your own mistakes and who keeps moving at a million miles per second, pause as well. Breathe and fully take in the mistake you have made just for a moment.

2) Regardless of your personality, take a minute and write down the mistake you just made, preferably in your journal. If you have the time at the very moment, write down the circumstances and what you may have done in error to cause that mistake. If you do not have the time, go back to this page in your journal that same evening and write about the mistake. Analyze what you could have done better, where your mistake was and what you are meant to learn from it. Did the mistake cause you to realize something you would not have otherwise? Did it show you something you had been overlooking? Every mistake has a message. Find it.

3) Now that you know the lesson from your mistake, let yourself off the hook. Realize that blame is not a helpful emotion. Instead, work on your awareness so that you do not repeat your same mistake.

Difficult Situations Not Difficult People

Having to deal with a 'difficult' person can be a major challenge. It can be quite an anxiety-provoking experience to have to manage a situation in which someone is being 'difficult' in some way. This can be very relevant to training and development in two ways. First, such difficulties can arise in a training session. Fortunately, it is relatively rare for such situations to arise, although they can be quite distressing when they do. Second, people involved in training and development may well be called upon at some time to provide training on such matters.

There is, of course, no simple formula solution for dealing with 'difficult' people (if there were, we would not regard dealing with such situations as 'difficult'!). However, an important basic guideline to recognise is that there are no 'difficult people', only difficult situations. While some people may be more likely than others to contribute to difficulties arising, we should be wary of making the mistake of assuming that some people are difficult 'by nature'.

The reasons for difficult situations arising are many and varied, and so it is a gross oversimplification to put things down to a 'difficult' person. Some of the factors that can lead to difficulties include:

• A mismatch of expectations - for example, someone arrives for what they believe to be an advanced-level course only to find that it is an introductory course and therefore too basic for their needs. Clarifying and negotiating expectations can be useful here, but if someone feels they have been misled and thereby treated disrespectfully, they may well react badly.

• Feeling threatened - If someone feels they are under threat in any way (they only have to feel they are under threat, even if there is no actual threat intended), then they may react in a way that raises tensions. For example, if someone feels their values are being undermined, they may challenge this - and may not have the skills or patience to challenge constructively.

• Not being listened to - if someone feels they are not being listened to, they may say what they have to say more forcefully, and that can lead to an escalation. If people feel uncomfortable with something being said quite forcefully, their discomfort may be interpreted by the person concerned as not being listened to, and he or she may then communicate even more forcefully in response.

This is not an exhaustive list, but it should be enough to show that 'difficult' situations are very complex, with a combination of factors leading to the problems that are being experienced. Simply attaching a label of 'difficult person' to someone is a far from adequate response - and can make the situation worse. Perhaps the person concerned is doing things we would prefer them not to do, but that is not the whole story. We need to ask ourselves:

• Are they acting reasonably from their own point of view? For example, if someone feels they are being treated disrespectfully, is their response reasonable?. If so, don't tackle their response, tackle the underlying issue of: what has led this person to feel they have been treated badly and how can we remedy that situation?

• Have we considered the wider situation rather than just the individual's behaviour? Perhaps other people involved (including ourselves) are fuelling the fire in some way, albeit unwittingly.

This is not to say that no-one ever behaves irresponsibly and that there is always a good reason to justify someone's actions - that would be naïve. However, even where someone is behaving inappropriately, attaching a label doesn't necessarily help - it can, in fact encourage the behaviour we are unhappy with. It is certainly the case that some people don't always help themselves, that they may make a bad situation worse by their reaction to it, but recognising that is still a long way from the simplistic practice of putting people into a 'difficult person' box, rather than consider the situation carefully and try and understand what is happening.

The Importance of Assertiveness

The idea of assertiveness is often misunderstood and given a meaning quite different from what is intended. For example, we often hear people say such things as: 'Jane's quite assertive. Everyone is scared of her'. Well, of course, if Jane were genuinely assertive, no one would have any reason to be scared of her, because she would be handling interpersonal interactions very skilfully and sensitively to ensure what the textbooks refer to as 'win-win' outcomes - that is, producing results that all parties involved are reasonably happy with. We have to be very clear that the term 'assertive' does not mean stroppy or pushy; it means having the skills and commitment to try and ensure that no one is disadvantaged from your interactions with them, and that includes yourself.

Being assertive involves not being ruthless and getting what you want at other people's expense, but also not allowing other people to get what they want at your expense (being submissive or non-assertive). It is a form of negotiation rooted in:

Knowledge: Knowing about the significance of assertiveness and the important elements of interpersonal interactions that we can influence (for example, understanding key factors such as motivation, conflict and effective communication).

Skills: Being sufficiently adept at active listening, empathy, and getting your point across clearly and firmly without being aggressive is a central feature of the skills set needed for assertiveness.

Values: There has to be commitment to fairness. Assertiveness is not about winning the battle; it is about being sufficiently concerned about both your needs and interests and those of the people you are interacting with to want to produce a situation which everybody finds acceptable. Assertiveness is about avoiding the need to fight battles, not about winning them.

Another example of when assertiveness is misunderstood is when people say things like: 'You'd better not be too assertive with your boss or you'll get sacked'. If we think about this carefully, how is it possible to be too assertive, too skilled at producing outcomes that everybody is reasonably happy with or too committed to developing positive working relationships? So, once again, we have to move away from the idea that being assertive means being stroppy or pushy. Arguably, anyone who is stroppy or pushy towards their boss (or anyone else for that matter) deserves to run the risk of being disciplined.

Perhaps part of the confusion arises from the idea that assertiveness means standing up for your rights. Of course, it does involve standing up for your rights but the key issue is how you do that. You can stand up for your rights in an aggressive way, disrespecting other people in the process, but that would not be assertiveness - quite the opposite, in fact.

It is often said that being assertive means saying 'No', but this is not strictly true, as simply saying 'No' means I am protecting my own interests but disregarding your interests, so there will be no 'win-win' outcome. It is better to think of assertiveness as saying 'No, but... ' - that is, not allowing our own interests and needs to be disregarded, but being prepared to find ways forward where the other person's interests and needs are not disregarded either.

Sometimes this is a simple matter of compromise, but the more skilled we become at being assertive, the more creative we can become at finding ways forward that we can all feel happy with. Simply saying 'No' invites further conflict, rather than resolving or avoiding it.

This issue is particularly important in relation to what is increasingly being referred to as 'professional assertiveness'. This term relates to situations where increased bureaucracy makes it difficult for professionals to use their knowledge and skills and practise in accordance with their professional values. Without a degree of professional assertiveness there is a very real danger that, in these days of managerialism, targets and indicators, some people can risk losing their professional registration if they allow bureaucratic pressures to influence them to behave in ways that are not consistent with their conditions of registration.

What is particularly important about the notion of professional assertiveness is that it opens up the possibility of collective assertiveness, of like-minded people with shared interests working together to produce the best outcomes that are possible in difficult circumstances.

One final oversimplification relates to the effectiveness of assertiveness. Some people (on training courses, I have presented, for example) have wanted to dismiss the value of assertiveness by giving examples of when it hasn't worked. This is, of course, a flawed argument because the fact that an approach might have a less than 100% success rate does not mean that it is not a valuable and worthwhile approach. If we were to reject approaches on the grounds that they are not 100% effective, we would end up rejecting all approaches!

So, assertiveness is not a panacea, but it is an important consideration when it comes to relating to other people and managing the tensions and conflicts that are inevitably involved sooner or later. Failing to develop our assertiveness skills (and the confidence that goes along with it) puts us at a significant disadvantage. Thankfully, these are skills that can be built up over a period of time, and life regularly gives us opportunities to practise them. The starting point needs to be recognising how important they are and how much we are losing out on if we make the mistake of thinking that assertiveness is something we can do without.

Find Out How to Let Your Mind Power Increase

Over time we will realize the brain loses the capacity to do some tasks with the same efficiency and speed as before. Normally this is due to the owner not implementing it enough which ultimately results in the connections between the neurons to be broken as the brain assumes they aren't needed. In order to reopen these channels of information in the brain, we must work hard at challenging our brain, making it fall back on those neural connections and creating new ones to solve the problems it must deal with. Some ways to do this are listed below.

Practice thinking critically: This advice will not only cause your brain to think further than the obvious truth or fact presented to us, but it will also help you in your day to day by providing you with the necessary defenses against cleverly thought out wording and manipulative conversations. Keep in mind a few things when you encounter a situation in which your intuition tells you there might be something fishy going on.

Firstly, ask many questions. Asking questions will require the claimant of a fact to rethink what has been said to reply in a coherent manner. Many people are caught off guard by unusual and thorough questions. Make sure to know the ins and outs of a topic before accepting the claims about it to be true. It will also force you to understand completely and to find incongruities in what is being said.

Secondly, solve problems systematically. In some situations you will have a problem that has no obvious solution. In this case it is good practice to make two lists. The first will have written down all the details you know about the problem. The second will have all the possible solutions you can come up with. The process then is simple. Go through each of the solutions one by one and compare them against the first list to check if that solution is viable or not. You can also do this in reverse order, making the solutions list first, and then the details list.

Lastly, be skeptical. Do not accept whatever you hear directly without questioning. Even things that are most likely true or sound pretty probable/reasonable should be questioned before being accepted. To put it simple, repeat the first step of questioning as often as you can get away with.

Mind to paper: Try your hand at drawing often. It is not necessary to sketch realistic landscapes and portraits. The aim of this exercise is to express your feelings, thoughts and emotions onto the page. It doesn't even have to make sense or be interpreted by anyone else. It is just for your mind to search in its depths for adequate representations of what you are intending to express.

Think positively: We get what we wish for. This saying is true in the sense that if we think of what we desire in a positive light, our subconscious will cause us to act in manners according to us achieving our goal. It is important that we avoid thinking in negative terms like "I don't want this to happen" but rather "I see myself achieving this".

I hope this information helps you to get started in becoming as smart and quick witted as you hope.

Habits That Improve Memory

The brain only keeps the information present on things it reckons it needs often. Since we only use around 10% of our brain, it will lack the potential to remember each and every detail in your life. For autistic people this may not be the case but that is because the connections in the brain are wired differently, at the expense of facial emotion recognition for example. It is possible however for us to develop the power of your memory by doing recollection exercises that stimulate our long-term and short-term memory. Here are four to get you started.

Memory Palace

The way a memory palace works is that you create a route through a location that you are very familiar with. The more you know the ins and outs of it, the better. You then pick objects along that route which will be your anchor points. This is something you have to do some time before you want to use it. it is necessary that your route, the objects and their order are firmly in place in your mind. The fact that it is a place you are very familiar with makes this more easy. Once you have solidified your route in your mind, you can start associating different elements to each object along the way. The more outrageous the association, the more likely it is that you will remember it later on. The idea is to create a story of events that happen throughout your route.

Summarize Books

You can read as much as you want, it wont do you any good if you can't remember what you've read. The easiest way to increase the amount of what sinks in is to formulate it again in our own words. An even better result is achieved if we do a mind map of the book we are reading as this requires a more thorough understanding and complex idea association practice. A little tip, don't try to read the entire book before doing your summary or mind map. Add to your summary every time you put down the book, or even the next day to let the ideas sink in properly.

Remember Childhood

We usually get flashes of past events from time to time when they are sparked through a conversation or some other triggering event. In order to really push our brain to limits we can determine a certain age or age range and attempt to remember as much as we can about experiences we lived in that time frame. They essence of this exercise is not to make a list of things we can come up with. What we are aiming for is to visualize the moment we remember and try to recall as many facts and details about it through visualization.

Help a Child with Homework

I have found that whenever I have to help out my youngest sister who is still going to school with her homework that I really have to rack my brains to remember how to do all the exercises. The matter of what is taught doesn't really change much throughout the years but naturally our brain has left aside the knowledge it didn't need since school. well, now you have the chance to give your memory a run for its money. It might take a while and it is possible that you have to read through the explanation of the exercises but after a few goes (and some desperate attempts to save face in front of a youngster) you will slowly feel the facts and methodologies come back to you as the rusty neural connections are reformed to help you overcome this challenge.

Quitters Do Win

We all share this common, yet miraculous ability to quickly notice when things suck. And we've all heard that quitting is bad, and quitters never win, so never ever quit. Never? Is there ever a time when quitting is a GOOD thing?

The gym is a good example of a place where things can get difficult. After the first 45 minutes of zumba class, you are sweating and unable to side-kick any higher, no matter how loudly the bandana-crazed drill sergeant yells. Someone behind you is entirely hogging the fan and you want to empty your water bottle over your head. Or pass out. Whichever happens first is fine.

Another example is being "stuck" in a crappy job. Your desk has been moved to the basement and you're working overtime on a dreadful project. Your boss passes by and blithely waves hello to the wall next to you, as if he finds the two of you indistinguishable. If he asked how it was going, you'd probably feel compelled to say everything is great! But an honest answer would be closer to, "Well Bob, I haven't yet gouged out my eyes with salad spoons... partially because I am an optimist, but mainly because I just don't carry around salad spoons."

Start by asking yourself why are you doing it. What do you get out of it, and how is that good for you? Working out is an easy one, the benefits are being healthy, feeling and looking good. The dreadful job, you might say, is necessary to pay your rent and that gym membership. But perhaps it is NOT necessary to do that particular soul-stomping job in order to make a living.

Which option serves you best? When are you doing yourself a favor by quitting, as opposed to depriving yourself of an opportunity to contribute to your overall happiness?

Two people in the same circumstances can end up with opposite conclusions. The difference is not the situation, but the choice. Your butt might be sore the next day, but you CHOOSE to take zumba because you love fitting into your skinny jeans, feel healthier, or enjoy the after cardio high. Your best friend might also love skinny jeans but despise zumba and anything resembling a gym, and choose to fit in them solely through diet.

That job is making you miserable and you don't care about the work. So why do it? Start looking for a better way to earn money that not only doesn't stress you out, but that you actually enjoy! Sometime when the going gets tough, the tough really do get going. As in, out-the-door. Goodbye.

Another way to look at your choices is to ask yourself whether you are quitting because you are going toward something better, and not simply reacting to difficulty by running away from it.

Have a goal you are excited about, a definite destination. There are many avenues to choose from to get where you want to be. As Lewis Carrol said, "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there." You are not confined to taking the miserable path through the basement office.

Why Real Learning Requires An OPEN Mind

Nearly every day, each of us have opportunities for additional training regarding some issue that we might want, or need to address. Have you ever wondered why so many individuals take so many courses and training programs, and often seem immediately enthusiastic, yet why so few of them actually use the techniques taught on a regular basis? In the vast majority of cases, we hinder our own opportunities for true learning because we refuse to adapt or consider alternatives, or we refuse to actually discipline ourselves to follow the steps and/ or methodologies that we have been taught. It is often our refusal to proceed with an OPEN mind that becomes our greatest deterrent to our own personal growth and/ or improvement. The significance of remaining OPEN to true learning requires some commitment to what that requires. Some of these components are evident obviously from a mnemonic perspective: Do we wish to discover opportunities and to be able to be prepared for them?; Will we find additional energy which is driven by our enthusiastic approach to learning and discover?; and, Do new and different ways of doing things help us enhance our opportunities and understanding?

1. Improvement in anything we do is driven by having the willingness and ability to be driven by opportunities. This requires first realizing that we need to expose ourselves to numerous alternatives, and to develop the ability to disseminate ideas and discover and evaluate their value and usefulness. Only when we are willing to open our minds up to learning more do we gain as much as we can from any sort of training.

2. The better trained we are, and the better we understand what we are taught, the more prepared we are to take timely action and to improve our personal performance. We can only prepare when we learn how to evaluate and plan, and that requires an open - minded appetite for useful knowledge and information.

3. Far too often, individuals seem to go through even extensive training programs in a less than full - hearted, or enthusiastic manner. Training by itself rarely serves any useful purpose unless we enthusiastically approach becoming better through gaining valuable knowledge, and then transforming it to viable and useful action and purpose.

4. Life is never a static condition. Since it is constantly evolving, each of us need to commit to continuously seek new approaches to best adapt to these changes. It is our attitude and willingness to escape our comfort zone and broaden our viewpoint that often determines how much, or little, we gain from any sort of training.

When we proceed seeking more knowledge and understanding, refusing to accept or simply maintain the status quo, we enhance our potential. Only those willing to remain open to all the potential opportunities maximize their own ability to truly learn effectively and in a meaningful manner.

Harness the Power of Subliminal Messaging

Scientific studies have proven that the human mind consists of two regions:

The conscious and the unconscious. The conscious mind plays the "active

part" which directs our actions, reasons out and accountable for the majority of

our activities throughout the waking hours. The unconscious (also called

subconscious) which "sits at the back," is the passive, unquestioning part

which controls our involuntary functions and in-charge of the more subtle

creative faculties of the mind.

Psychologists believe that any person can create lasting improvements in

oneself by accessing the power of the unconscious. However, this is not as

simple as it sounds. Most individuals have no indication how to even get in

touch with the unconscious, how much more for effecting improvements? This

is where subliminal messaging becomes exceedingly helpful and necessary.

The term "subliminal" is derived from the Latin words "sub" (below) and "limen"

(threshold), which basically means "below the threshold of consciousness." It

refers to anything that exists just beneath your conscious awareness (i.e. at the

unconscious level).

By using subliminal recordings you can bypass the conscious mind and

reprogram your inner self through the use of carefully crafted subliminal

messages. These messages can be created for a great many things like

reducing stress and inducing relaxation. Some of the best I have personally

known include:

- Leadership excellence
- Creative thinking mindset
- Perfect lucid dreaming
- Supreme self-confidence
- Razor-sharp wit
- Amazing memory
- Be decisive and get what you want
- Amazing public speaking skills
- Excellent speed reading
- Lose weight quickly, and others!

In these recordings, messages are planted using special technology, which

intends to communicate directly to the unconscious mind. These subliminal

messages bypass the critical-conscious realm and goes straight to the

unquestioning-subconscious, immediately starting to create desired changes.

How Exactly Do They Work?

Subliminal programs contain positive affirmations (subliminal messages)

focused on particular areas chosen by the listener, to accomplish a specific

aim. The mind "accepts" these affirmations without question, at the

subconscious level, immediately beginning the work of transforming the

messages into actuality in the person's life.

Since they bypass the analytical critical-conscious mind, these subliminal

messages facilitate the process of changing attitudes, skills and habits and

start to reprogram the whole being towards achieving a particular goal.

Subliminal messages are generally embedded in a piece of music or masked

with ocean waves and sounds of nature which are very soothing to the body

and spirit. These are called "positive affirmations" which influence individual

beliefs that are stored in the subconscious mind. They gradually and gently

replace limiting beliefs by new empowering ones. It is an automatic and

effortless method of changing yourself from the inside-out.

How Long Does It Take for Change To Happen?

You must be aware that most of your subconscious programming has taken

place over an entire lifetime and may not be altered in a few hours or days. It is

also likely that several issues overlap and require more than one subliminal

recording to reprogram.

Let's take the issue of self confidence as an illustration. Somebody who has

low self-esteem may listen to a subliminal recording to improve in this area.

Several weeks later, there seems to be little or no improvement despite the

effort. It would be easy to conclude that "subliminals don't work" and give up.

While subliminal programming is highly effective, there are factors to be

considered to ensure success. Some of the basics are outlined below:

- Embedded messages. Since it is almost impossible to determine the

messages used, it is always prudent to ask the source to give you a copy of the

script. In our sample case, the user needs to ensure that the subliminal

recording employs self-esteem affirmations targeting this area of concern.

- Requirements. Some subliminals are best listened to using headphones,

while others can be played just like ordinary music. This technicality must be

explicitly defined when you acquire your copy, otherwise you may be unable to

maximize the true potential of this wonderful tool.

- Frequency and duration. This should come with the instructions on how to use

the recording to achieve desired results. Once you know the details, you can

begin to determine your progress and adjust accordingly.

Reprogramming the subconscious takes time, and results are commonly

observed after about 21 - 28 days. As a rule of thumb, it is advisable to allocate

personal development tools at least a month before looking for real tangible

results.

The goal of subliminal programming is to effect transformation from within.

When this begins to occur, you may feel an unexplained discomfort or

uneasiness, a natural manifestation of resistance to change. It is a reliable sign

telling you that improvement is currently taking place. This period of adjustment

is important and becomes your defining moment of success or failure.

Like any other self improvement programs, you are presented with two roads to

take - the old familiar way, and the new unexplored path. If you hate discomfort

and stop doing it, you will find yourself back in your "old familiar way." This is the

deception of the "comfort zone" which is the cause of many failures. If you

resist and persist, you will soon discover the wonders of the "new unexplored

path." When you do, success can be yours!

How to Keep Control of Your Life by Setting Boundaries

Often people are severely stressed, not because of their hectic work schedules or busy lives, rather they are stressed because of other people. How so? When someone has people who are dependent on them for whatever reason, he or she is essentially giving up a piece of themselves. The best illustration is a parent - child relationship. Children depend on their parent(s) and so the parents are no longer living for themselves, but for the children as well.

However, this dependency is not only limited to children. It can be coworkers, friends or extended family members. Separate this dependency from that of a positional leadership role. This dependency is more or less when people seek you out for help because you are readily available. You are easily accessible. This might take the form of constant phone calls or requests for favors. Someone might be going through some rough times and they need you to be there for them. While it is a good thing to be there for others, and to help whenever you can, you must also keep control of you.

There is a line that separates being there for others and giving up control of your life to others.

The objective is to keep control. You release control of your life to others, when your time is spent meeting their needs. You can only give out what you have inside. If you are being depleted internally by trying to meet the needs of others, then stress is inevitable. You are essentially a pressure cooker, and the pressure is going to need to be released. Often the release of the pressure is not in controlled small increments.

To keep control of your life requires you to set boundaries. A simple illustration of a boundary is setting a time of the day or night when you will not accept phone calls. For example, there will be no phone calls accepted during dinner time from (5pm to 7pm) or after 10pm or before 7am. Setting boundaries may seem harsh to the other person. However, you are basically empowering them to solve their own problems. As long as you play the role of savior to others, they will treat you as such. That is never a healthy relationship. Even children are taught to solve problems on their own, so that when they leave their parents' home, they are equipped to make it in the world.

The small word, NO, is a very powerful word. The problem is that many people have trouble using that word. However, to keep control of your life, the word NO, needs to be used. If you loose control of your life, then the little bit of help you are giving to others is not of the best quality. That is because you are depleted. So it is not only in your interest that you keep control, but it is in the interest of others as well.

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The Power of Decisions

I want to talk a little bit about the concept of decisions. When you think about any change that you've ever made in your life, didn't it really happen the moment you made a decision? Now sometimes we say, "Oh it's hard to change, it took me forever to change." Usually what takes forever is getting yourself to the point of deciding. It's the "getting ready to get ready to change" that's takes so long. You really didn't make any changes until you decided to change.

So you can say today, "That's it! I'm done. I'm never going to do that again" or "this is the way I'm going to be from now on." It's the power of a decision. No change was ever made in anybody's life without first deciding. Once you make a decision then you can move forward. A lot of times you say, "Oh it's so hard to change, it's so hard to do this, it's so hard to do that" but really it's not hard because you're really not doing it yet, you're really not making any effort until you decide.

The decision - when things begin to happen

Once you have made that decision, things start to happen in your life. Making that one single decision, saying from this point on, from this time, this minute, this second, I am going in that direction. I am no longer going in the direction I was going. I have turned my life. I am headed in a new direction and everything I do and everything I say and everything I feel is different. This gets you on the road. You won't totally change your life in a day but you will be amazed at how quickly you move in that direction.

Think for a moment about the story that Charles Dickens wrote, A Christmas Carol. Think about Scrooge. Think about what happened to him, how in an instant his life changed. After he was shown all the pain and misery of his past and the mistakes that he had made, and the person that he had become, and then as he looked into the future and was shown what his future would be if he continued on that path, if he continued in that direction - he made a decision, in an instant. He changed his direction. He changed his glasses, his lenses that he sees his life through. Suddenly everything changed.

Can you change in an instant?

Is it possible for a person to change in an instant? I believe it is. Think about Scrooge and how he changed in an instant. He totally changed his direction. He became a different person. Now, did everything change in his life all at once? No! But his direction changed and the lens through which he looked at life changed. The lens through which he made decisions, his feelings, his actions changed by changing that lens that he looked through or the direction that he was headed in his life. Everything changed and he was now on the road in a different direction to a different life, to becoming a different person. You can do the same. You can make that change.

Now you don't have to have spirits come to you in the night to show you the mistakes you have made in the past. You can do that on your own. Review the past, review the pain that you've had in your life by going the direction you're going right now. Think about all the pain you've suffered through, all the opportunities that you've missed because of the actions and direction you've taken in your life. Think about where you could have been now. Think about your future. Think about a year into the future.

Ponder your future

If you continue on the road that you are on now where will you be one year from now? Will you be any better of a person? Will you continue down hill? What about five years from now, where will you be if you continue on this road that you're headed without changing? What will your life be like? Is that where you want to be? Is that where you want to go? Experience the pain of this. Think about it. What kind of a life do you want? What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to continue heading in the direction that you're heading right now? Is that what you want? No!

As you experience this pain of your past mistakes and what it will mean to you in the future if you don't make any changes - let it sink deep down into your heart, into your mind, into your emotions. Feel this pain and make a decision now, at this moment, that you will not put up with this any more, that you will not live another second in this world headed in that direction, that you are tired of tripping up, falling down, making mistakes, following the easy path and suffering the misery from this. You want better things in life.

You know deep down inside of you is a different person, a better person, a great person, a person with potential. The real you is deep down inside you. You know who the real you is and it's trying to get out. Why not let him out now? Defeat the old "you" and let the new "you" out, the real you out. You can do all this with the power of decisions.

Look Up! - The Power Of Expectations

"We will always tend to fulfill our own expectation of ourselves" - Brian Tracy

As we know, UP is a direction. More importantly, it is a direction that we want to go. The first step in moving UP is to set our sights beyond our current circumstances. Inherent in the definition of UP is that it never stops. There is always one more rung on the ladder, one more battle to fight, one more person to help, and one more analogy to make. So, wherever we are today, we have room to improve.

What's holding us back? One of the main things keeping us from achieving more is that our expectations are set too low. When an expectation is set, our minds are so powerful and complex that our actions immediately begin to line up with that expectation. Robert K. Merton coined the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy" to describe this phenomenon in his 1957 book Social Theory and Social Structure. Wikipedia defines a self-fulfilling prophecy as "a prediction that, in being made, actually causes itself to become true".

My Fair Lady. In George Bernard Shaw's play Pygmalion, Eliza Doolittle is transformed from a Cockney flower girl to a lady. What made the difference? The image that she had of herself changed when others treated her differently. Colonel Pickering called her "Miss Doolittle," which Liza says began to teach her self-respect. She explained to Colonel Pickering, "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she's treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treated me as a flower girl, and always will, but I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady, and always will."

We See It Every Day. Most of us have observed the power of expectations with a familiar example. A co-worker mentions to us late in the day that they think that they're coming down with a cold. We may respond with something like, "I've heard there's something going around". We could even say, "You look all right to me". It really doesn't matter what we say at that point as the person really expects to get sick. Sure enough, the next day, they call into work sounding just awful announcing that there is no possible way they could work today.

"You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them." - Michael Jordan

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James

Who Cares? Who cares enough about us to impose expectations upon us? The obvious answer is friends and family. Often, these expecations are normal and positive. For example, if our spouse expects us to be home to have dinner with the family, this could be a wonderful norm. Since we care about our friends and family, they have more power than anyone else to influence our own opinion of our ability. Frequently, well-meaning relatives will deter someone from pursuing their true life purpose.

One of the ways that this happens is by planting doubt. Let's say we truly believe that we have an ability to write. We also have a desire to pursue writing as a career. In subtle ways, some of our friends and family begin to plant doubts about our skills or the opportunities in this career path. They may think that they are protecting us; however, sometimes, the result is that we choose another path that we perceive to be less risky.

What About Me? That's right, we are the most important person in our lives in determining our place in this world. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. We hear our own voice more than any other. So, what are we saying to ourselves? If we are saying that we can do it, we are much more likely to dismiss evidence to the contrary. Take one of the most famous historical examples, how successful would David have been against Goliath if he were talking defeat to himself? It's possible that he would have been unsuccessful if he had not been rehearsing his past successes in killing the lion and the bear with his bare hands.

Aside from the people in our inner circle of influence, there are others that have the ability to set expectations for us, if we give them the power. We just need to be aware that this occurs. Sometimes, we are more likely to change our opinion of ourselves because someone that we respect has a different viewpoint. Instead of taking their word for it, we must evaluate their opinion as objectively as possible. We don't want to close ourselves off from change, however, we do want to make sure that any change is a conscious choice.

When Did I Choose? Unfortunately for many, the past controls the present. For others, concerns about the future significantly impact their current view. If the past is controlling us, it is generally in the form of guilt. In the case of guilt, we don't feel worthy of success because of what we've done or haven't done. As hard as it may be, we must let go of our feelings of unworthiness. Additionally, we must forgive anyone for anything that is eating away at us. Unforgiveness doesn't affect the other person as much as it affects us. In fact, we would be shocked to find out how little time people think about us.

If the future is controlling us, it is generally in the form of anxiety. The Bible tells us with good reason in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Fear of the future has the ability to immobilize us in the present. More than causing us to be ineffective, guilt and anxiety have been linked to many health risks including heart disease, ulcers, and degraded immune system.

From this, we surmise that the only appropriate time to set our expectations is in the present. While we must consider our experiences and education from the past as well as our dreams and goals for the future, the only time that we can actually take action is now. The great news in looking up from where we are is that we can change where we're going.

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake... by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. - Henry David Thoreau, Walden, from "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For"