How to Keep Control of Your Life by Setting Boundaries

Often people are severely stressed, not because of their hectic work schedules or busy lives, rather they are stressed because of other people. How so? When someone has people who are dependent on them for whatever reason, he or she is essentially giving up a piece of themselves. The best illustration is a parent - child relationship. Children depend on their parent(s) and so the parents are no longer living for themselves, but for the children as well.

However, this dependency is not only limited to children. It can be coworkers, friends or extended family members. Separate this dependency from that of a positional leadership role. This dependency is more or less when people seek you out for help because you are readily available. You are easily accessible. This might take the form of constant phone calls or requests for favors. Someone might be going through some rough times and they need you to be there for them. While it is a good thing to be there for others, and to help whenever you can, you must also keep control of you.

There is a line that separates being there for others and giving up control of your life to others.

The objective is to keep control. You release control of your life to others, when your time is spent meeting their needs. You can only give out what you have inside. If you are being depleted internally by trying to meet the needs of others, then stress is inevitable. You are essentially a pressure cooker, and the pressure is going to need to be released. Often the release of the pressure is not in controlled small increments.

To keep control of your life requires you to set boundaries. A simple illustration of a boundary is setting a time of the day or night when you will not accept phone calls. For example, there will be no phone calls accepted during dinner time from (5pm to 7pm) or after 10pm or before 7am. Setting boundaries may seem harsh to the other person. However, you are basically empowering them to solve their own problems. As long as you play the role of savior to others, they will treat you as such. That is never a healthy relationship. Even children are taught to solve problems on their own, so that when they leave their parents' home, they are equipped to make it in the world.

The small word, NO, is a very powerful word. The problem is that many people have trouble using that word. However, to keep control of your life, the word NO, needs to be used. If you loose control of your life, then the little bit of help you are giving to others is not of the best quality. That is because you are depleted. So it is not only in your interest that you keep control, but it is in the interest of others as well.